Malayalees , like Maha Kumbhmela, have been represented in the Indian Cricket team now and then with a decade’s gap in between. Their representation in Indian team has been as scarce as water in Chennai, land in Mumbai or clothing in Florida. Like the banana chips, Malayali cricketers were exposed to the non-kerala world only once in a while, as in when a friend returned from Kochi after Onam season or when a colleague visited Munnar on vacation. The first cricket banana chip from kerala to the world was S Ramesh, followed by Yohannan after a decade and after another hiatus, our young sreekumaran sreesanth.
Somehow, we malayalees are never comfortable with any sport (or any activity for that matter) that requires too much of “sporting” ensemble (!!). You require us to put on the pads on the thighs, hips and arms, and then wear a jersey, then boots, then helmet, and then plug in a groin guard too? And then stand under the sun for 4 hrs? What !! No beer for continuous 8 hours while the match is on? No Lungi breaks in between to free-up our legs in the interval? And rigorous exercise daily, too? Have to obey the captain? Have to speak to him in Hindi? Can’t change shirts after every 1 hr? Can’t watch news in Manorama News channel every 1 hr? My god!
Don’t you realise that if we malayalees devote too much time on sports and other stuff, then in that gap, Left (CPI-M) could take over the Right (Cong) and vice-versa - The whole ministry could collapse in that gap. If we watch matches or play sports or long, then who in the world will be left to critically do the real time analysis of the implications of Obama’s recent healthcare policy or comment on Saudi’s Oil production policy or explain the effect of falling rubber prices. And don’t you realise that every hour spent in a grant hotel's bar doing such productive analysis and discussions results in Rs 80 Crores of alcohol-tax to state revenue’s kitty. How many roads/bridges can be made with that kind of money? Who will compensate for that? And who will compensate for the lives of 5000 odd waiters in kerala who survive only with the fat tips that we leave?
And you say we should try our hands in sports? We will. At least give us something comfortable to wear no! In this scorching summer!! Like a lungi, for instance, which makes it comfortable to run around (score quick singles, on the field and off the field – when no one’s looking) and play football well, especially when it is folded up. And, haven’t we excelled in football just because of lungi? Unfortunately, we couldn’t represent or win the world cup b’cos of the stringent dress-code that FIFA has and of course they say that alcohol is banned during the 24-hour match duration. Now is that our fault? We, unlike others, always keep a steady head even if we are drunk.
But finally, after much peer pressure from rest of the world, we have decided to do well in Sports. And the Kochi IPL team is the first step towards this. Doesnt it reflect our acute business acumen and shrewdness when we won the bid of Rs 1533 cr for the team? Even Mukesh Ambani bid only Rs 450 Cr for the Mumbai team. We did 3 times that for Kochi team and did Kerala proud - We malayalees don’t hesitate to spend. What is wrong in spending a lot of money even if it results in losses? We do derive a lot of intellectual stimulation and conversations out of these activities. We get to meet new people, see new drink joints and do networking. Today’s losses will be covered up later on by opening a Speciality-prawn-export firm jointly with the newly found contact/ friend.
In the past we have lost several crores in uncompleted Real estate ventures, export business, rubber, paper and diamond businesses. We tried to start IT MNC companies in 2002 and made losses there too. Unlike we malayalees, the bloody US CEOs started negotiating with us on the prices we quoted for our new “Lowgistics” software. We malayalees do not negotiate or encourage negotiation, Even at the cost of losses. The US CEO's loss.
We have set up 243 engineering colleges in the state and finally managed to start losing money there too, lavishly. We have set up 1,536 ayurvedic spas in the last 1 year and lost money elegantly. We have started manufacturing companies and closed them cooly down due to union problems. Lost billions there. You are testing our loss making skill sets? Grow up boy.
Now, our strategy for the IPL game? Here you go:
We plan to name our team, KKK Bros, vis-a-vis KKR or Kolkata. KKK stands for Kottarathil Kunnath Kings Brothers in the memory of the great great grand father of the team’s main sponsor (Kunnath group) who started the visionary business of gold mortgaging (pawn) in the village of Kunnath Kavu near Kochi. Now there are 14 medical colleges, 24 rubber estates, 21 engineering colleges, 3 NBFCs, 1 Bank and 12 real estate projects in the group’s portfolio. The eldest brother KK Varghese is the CEO and chairman. KK Mathews, the elder one is the Dy. CEO and KK Joy, the youngest is the director, finance.
Given below is the KKKB patriarch’s photograph:
Our Business Model or Strategy?
Our Business Model or Strategy?
Our Business model is as given below. Agreed, we don't have cricket specialists. But we do have several talents and resources who have come together to make our IPL venture a great success. Team work, you know!
Our Brand Ambassador would be the youth sensation Mohanlal, aged 52, who is a part owner of the team too. He’ll bring in the much required fan following through mohanlal’s fan club which has 300,000 members. The team’s jersey will have our mascot – “Narasimham” (lion), which is the name of an all time hit by mohanlal.
Our attire would be plain white khadi shirt and starched-ironed-double mundu(dhoti). And paragon hawai chappals. (see the KKK's dress code launch photographs below). Atlas jewellery & Oceanic Builders and Developers have agreed to sponsor the Khadi white shirt which will have their logo & name written in Malayalam.
The double mundu (dhoti) will be sponsored by “Ramraj” brand of cotton mundus, which Mohanlal endorses.
The tickets will be priced at Rs 1500 which includes a cover of 3 larges of Brandy/ whisky along with Kappa-meen curry or Appam-stew or porotta-beef eating options.
5% of the seats will be reserved for KKB extended family and friends. 15% for NRIs. 15% for foreigners. 15% for sponsors & affiliates. 10% for ministers/MLAs/Prominent figures like leader, yesudas, mammootty, madhu, east coast vijayan, shashi tharoor etc.
Special royalty of 15% of revenues from all the bars in state that telecast the match.
Rs 100 cr package from Asianet Plus, which will have exclusive rights to telecast the match in Middle east, Kerala and Singapore.
Our Brand Ambassador would be the youth sensation Mohanlal, aged 52, who is a part owner of the team too. He’ll bring in the much required fan following through mohanlal’s fan club which has 300,000 members. The team’s jersey will have our mascot – “Narasimham” (lion), which is the name of an all time hit by mohanlal.
Our attire would be plain white khadi shirt and starched-ironed-double mundu(dhoti). And paragon hawai chappals. (see the KKK's dress code launch photographs below). Atlas jewellery & Oceanic Builders and Developers have agreed to sponsor the Khadi white shirt which will have their logo & name written in Malayalam.
The double mundu (dhoti) will be sponsored by “Ramraj” brand of cotton mundus, which Mohanlal endorses.
The tickets will be priced at Rs 1500 which includes a cover of 3 larges of Brandy/ whisky along with Kappa-meen curry or Appam-stew or porotta-beef eating options.
5% of the seats will be reserved for KKB extended family and friends. 15% for NRIs. 15% for foreigners. 15% for sponsors & affiliates. 10% for ministers/MLAs/Prominent figures like leader, yesudas, mammootty, madhu, east coast vijayan, shashi tharoor etc.
Special royalty of 15% of revenues from all the bars in state that telecast the match.
Rs 100 cr package from Asianet Plus, which will have exclusive rights to telecast the match in Middle east, Kerala and Singapore.
Idea star singer fame Ranjini along with foot ball stalwart Pappachan will analyze the match during the breaks.
Advertising slots mass blocked by Jose Alukkas jewellers, Joy Alukkas jewellers, Francis Alukkas jewellers, Bhima jewellery, Alappat fashion jewellery and Malabar gold (where beauty meets quality, has mohanlal is the ambassador again) Kalyan silks, Chennai silks, Jayalakshmy silks, Seematti Bridal collections, Remaika bridal wear, Oceanus builders, MIR developers, Si Homes, Confident real estate, Skyline lifestyle homes and Apple Realtors.
Cheerleaders would comprise of the entire participant list from Idea star singer, season-4
The third umpire panel would comprise of MG sreekumar, sarath sir, and Usha Uthup.
Mimicry shows by Kalabhavan and Music shows in the intervals by MG Sreekumar and Radhika tilak.
Advertising slots mass blocked by Jose Alukkas jewellers, Joy Alukkas jewellers, Francis Alukkas jewellers, Bhima jewellery, Alappat fashion jewellery and Malabar gold (where beauty meets quality, has mohanlal is the ambassador again) Kalyan silks, Chennai silks, Jayalakshmy silks, Seematti Bridal collections, Remaika bridal wear, Oceanus builders, MIR developers, Si Homes, Confident real estate, Skyline lifestyle homes and Apple Realtors.
Cheerleaders would comprise of the entire participant list from Idea star singer, season-4
The third umpire panel would comprise of MG sreekumar, sarath sir, and Usha Uthup.
Mimicry shows by Kalabhavan and Music shows in the intervals by MG Sreekumar and Radhika tilak.
The team’s coaching would be by a panel of ex-Ranji Trophy players. In order not antagonize anyone in particular, the panel would comprise of 47 people.
Let us know if you can refer to us a few good players, who are exceptionally smart, and who have thick moustache. They should be aggressive and should have professional qualification like Engg/ Medicine or atleast MSc.
Amitabh bachan and mammotty officially releasing KKK’s uniform:
Let us know if you can refer to us a few good players, who are exceptionally smart, and who have thick moustache. They should be aggressive and should have professional qualification like Engg/ Medicine or atleast MSc.
Amitabh bachan and mammotty officially releasing KKK’s uniform:
How to fold up Mundu before entering the field:
